The Blame Game

I posted a few days ago about people blaming their trauma for them turning out the way they turned out. I honestly feel for those people because they don’t realize the power they have to rise above it. The blame game is something we’ve all played at some point in our lives. We blame our jobs for our stress, we blame our significant others for not feeling loved, we blame our children for our postpartum bodies, and we blame rude strangers for ruining our day. I use to be the queen of the blame game. I blamed bills for being broke, blamed my kids for being tired, blamed my husband for feeling neglected, blamed my circumstances for my alcholism. I played that game for a long time and never won. Nothing ever changed. The problem with blame is that you give your power away. If it’s someone else’s fault then you believe you can’t control it so you take no effort in trying to change it….and here’s a bonus….it doesn’t have to be your fault. In reality, it’s all your fault. You are who you are, you are where you are, and you feel how you feel because you decided to be, by choices you made or didn’t make, risks you took or didn’t take, feelings you acted on or didn’t act on, all of which either helped you or hurt you. Taking accountibility for your own life is uncomfortable for alot of people because you have to be objective and admit you are your own problem. People who stay stuck in this cycle are easy for me to spot. They drop judgements on everyone, They’ll tell you all their problems and when you offer solutions they will find a problem with your solution, but never offer any of their own. They tend to bitch about their blessings. But here’s the biggest sign, when I ask them what their weaknesses are, they ramble on and on….when I ask them what their strengths are, they go silent and usually take a while to answer. There it is. The negative squander they live in. So full of self criticism, that it’s all they know, so they criticize and blame everything around them. My number one initiative when I see this behavior in someone is to force them to face one of their weakness, acknowledge it and determine how this weakness holds them back from opportunities. So for example. I have a friend that was constantly complaining about her job. She’d cry in her car on her lunch breaks sometimes. She didn’t have a bad job…..just not the one she wanted. I asked her if she enjoyed her job and she said no. So I asked her “if you could have any job tomorrow what would it be?” She replied “to stay home with my kids.” I said “So do it.” She started listing the reasons why she couldn’t and I said, “It’s not going to happen tomorrow, but what choices are you going to make to get there. What luxuries are you living with that you don’t need, because they clearly aren’t helping you enjoy life all that much so are they really necessary? Make a plan, then make choices that will lead you to your ultimate goal. Make moves that will lead you to where you want to be, because right now your choosing to stay and survive, and you have the ability to make moves and thrive.” Her mind switched immidiately. She was already talking about the small things she could give up to help pay off loans and bills. The next day she told me she found a way to make a small income while still being able to stay home with her kids. She took back her power. Her weakness was blaming the loans/bills she need to pay before making moves, and thinking she had no power to make the money appear quicker. But then she looked closer, less starbucks, more money, less eating out, more money, less money on temporary fulfillments, more money to pay off a loan quicker that will ultimately allow her happiness and freedom. All those choices were her own. We make choices that sabatoge our own lives and happiness, such as buying starbucks and sacrificing money that could be fueling a better future because we tell ourselves we can’t live without it. We sabatoge by blaming our unhappiness on life and the people in it, like it’s their job to suite our own needs. It’s YOUR job to choose thriving over surviving. It’s YOUR job to make choices every day that protect your peace, and benefit your own happiness. The blame game is for the weak…. they don’t want to have to recognize that they could do and be better because it’s uncomfortable to admit you made mistakes and aren’t perfect. Find me someone that is. You won’t. Take accountiblity, Take the blame, take the power and take the opportunity to change into someone healthier, happier, and better. So what someone cut you off in traffic, are they being an asshole? Yeah. Do you have to let it ruin your day?….the choice is yours.