My girl Jessica here wanted one of our new crop sweatshirts at my gym and was going back and forth over it. Her sister and I told her to try it on and she did and although still insecure about parts of her body she’s still working on…you could tell she loved it. She looks at me and says “will other people judge me if I wear this?” I said “who cares.” And she replied “I DO!” I said “why?” And replies “I dunno, I just do.” Here’s the thing….if you live your life based on other people’s opinions….you’ll always be unhappy & unfulfilled in some way. You don’t wear what you want to wear because other people may judge. You don’t say the things you want to say because you’re unsure how people will respond. You act a certain way in front of people incase they don’t like the real you. You are living based on other people’s opinions and expectations and therefore you never truly know who you are and that can be exhausting and leave you feeling empty putting so much work into being someone you’re not….a lesser version of you…someone you think they would approve of. When I quit being what I thought people wanted me to be and started being who I truly was, Life got a whole lot better…. I found who I was and from there, realized what I was meant for. I liked myself again because I wasn’t trying to live for other people’s approval anymore. When you sit back and realize how much judgement is out there it’s exhausting and who are they to you? No one. So their judgments are none of your business. And the people that you surround yourself with if they truly are meant to be in your life, will do nothing but want to see you flourish and applaud you regularly. They won’t care about the clothes you wear, they only care about the person wearing them. Judgement is every where. When I was 200lbs people judged, when I was an alcoholic people judged, when I got sober my enablers judged. People judge who I am today….she cusses too much…she’s aggressive, she’s too intense, she’s always showing off her abs….so you see? Nothing is ever good enough for society. I’m not going to water myself down to make other people comfortable…I’m not going to live unsatisfied so others can be satisfied…I’m not going to live my life being half of who I am….and neither should you. Needless to say….she bought the sweatshirt and rocks it with confidence and I couldn’t be more proud of her. Do what you want, wear what you want, and say what you want. Be unapologetically authentic because as they say “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

My gym philosophy is simple. Never say you can’t, and never give up on the person you were when you walked through the doors on the first day. That person wants and needs you to succeed or they never would’ve shown up. When I don’t see someone in the gym for a while, I take it personally, because not only are they giving up on themselves, but they’re giving up on my gyms ability to show them what they can become. What happens is they get motivated and start hitting the gym, see some progress, but make very little changes outside the gym to breed more progress and plateau. Or, they get an injury or suffer a setback and slide back into old habits, old negative thoughts, and they’re back to their old weight. They avoid topics of health and fitness and may even lash out if someone brings it up. They speak less and less to their positive health minded friends and most of them won’t even clap for the progress of said friends because it’s hard to be happy for someone that’s accomplishing what you gave up on. Ouch. That one probably hurt huh? No one likes to be slapped in the face with the truth because it usually involves having to admit something that makes you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. When my fight coach started making me sparr strictly southpaw I avoided going to sparr training and he reached out and said, “You don’t like it because it’s your vulnerable side, it’s uncomfortable because it’s your weakness…your opponent is going to be looking for all those things to use against you & defeat you….so it’s best to train your weaknesses to become your strengths.” I didn’t listen at the time because I wasn’t in the right mindset to admit I had weaknesses. But his words echoed so much I was forced to reflect. Admit he was 100% right….and decide what my next move was….run away from it because it was the more comfortable Choice, or rise to it and ride through the uncomforts of a challenge until I come out the otherside. One choice is sacrificing my growth and potential for the mercy of easement. The other sacrificing the comfort of ease to apply my potential and commit to my growth. I chose to be uncomfortable. I chose growth. Because I knew the discomfort of building upon my strengths would be much more rewarding. Because I know the discomfort is temporary. It’s beats the discomfort of watching my friends conquer while I feign happiness for them and struggle with self confidence because I gave up, for the sanctity of my comfort. So…if you’re the one trying to give up, I want you to know what you’re giving up and why. You’re not simply giving up a gym or stronger body. You’re giving up on your potential to turn your physical & mental weaknesses into strengths…your goals into accomplishments which turn your self doubts into self confidence. That confidence will change your entire life outside the gym. You’re giving it all up because it’s uncomfortable and it’s demanding more from you than you are willing to give. You are giving up on you. Not the gym, not the body, but YOU. So if this one hits close to home, don’t get bitter…get better.

The New Year is upon us and in most cases this is the time people decide to lose weight. I’m sure you’ve all seen the gym memes…The gym in January full of go getters and then the gym in February, void of life. It became a meme because it’s true. People get gym memberships….buy new workout equipment & clothes maybe a cool water bottle and do a complete overhaul of their refrigerator’s contents. I call it the new year motivational flood….tons of motivation to begin….but then the reality of the time and work it takes sets in and we’re left with empty gyms, & newly purchased ellipticals, spin cycles, and treadmills that become very expensive laundry baskets. Not to mention the discipline, confidence and accomplishments that were never attained because of goals that were never reached. You see….motivation is like a drug….it may give you a really good high….but eventually it subsides. Motivation comes from an emotional part of the brain that needs to be triggered…. i.e the new year. It relies on outside sources to trigger it. And we can’t control our world….we can only respond to it. So the key is to build discipline by setting simple goals in the beginning….discipline is a characteristic. It’s something you all have but most ignore. Discipline is the ultimate key to your success. But it’s like a muscle…the more you use it the stronger it gets. So if you really want to reach the goals you’ve set….start by building discipline….how do you do that? By practicing consistency. It should be every beginners goal….it doesn’t need to be complicated. Simply lay out your goals and at the top is consistency….you cannot reach the others without it. I tell clients that struggle with this to make their goals just past their usual giving up point….if you go hard in January and fall off in February, your consistency goal should be hitting the gym 30 to 60 minutes 3 times a week until March 31st. You don’t just wake up a new version of yourself ON January 1st….you may FEEL you have…but again that’s the emotional high of motivation. Be realistic and focus on habits not just results. Replacing ones that don’t align with your goals….to ones that do. More clean food and cooking, less packaged food and restaurants. More drives to the gym, less drives to the bar. More positive thinking, less negative dwelling. Change your goals and you’ll start to reach them. No more goals about getting skinny and being fit….More goals about getting consistent and being disciplined….you get those 2 down…there’s nothing you can’t achieve.

I had an experience recently where I had to confront someone I love for the 100th time about a behavior that both bothers me and affects my life. I was told by many when this issue first came up that I had to make a decision and follow through or it will continue to happen and affect me and my happiness. I didn’t listen, and they were right. You see, when someone willingly does something that they KNOW will upset you, they apologize. But the words aren’t the apology. The permanent change in behvior is the apology and a significant sign of repsect. That takes time. So when they repeat the behavior and again you accept the words as a means of remorse & repair. They will continue to hurt you because all it costs them is an apology. It’s like a bandaid over a bullet wound, it’s a small temporary fix, for big permanent problem. And it’s your own fault it keeps repeating itself because you settle for the bandaid. There wasn’t any permanent fix and healing, because you had no follow through.

So as I was confronting them. Their immediate response was to question & attack me with subjects that were clearly not involved in the inital conversation. This is called Deflection. It’s used by those that are insecure, and therefore have no desire or confidence to confront and own their insecurites. They will inturn segway into assaults on you, your faults, and even your character. I know because I use to be this miserable , spiteful person. Used it all the time because it generally worked. And now it was working it’s magic on me. Until I woke up the next day and realized what I had let happen, and that not only was nothing solved, but now I was emotionally beat down by someone who was suppose to love me. I had let them make ME feel like I was a piece of shit. Now, had I caught them in the act of deflecting, I wouldn’t feel like I currently do. When someone immediately starts to question and attack you about subjects that aren’t adding a resolution or value to the arguement, My therapist says that you need to redirect, “we can talk about that in a minute lets solve what’s in front of us right now.” She says if that doesn’t work, disengage. They aren’t going to listen with the intent to understand, they are only going to listen with the intent to reply. Ah yes. One of my favorite quotes. She knows what to say, and she knows how to say it. My therapist is one smart cookie. I’d be setting fires in all areas of my life if she wasn’t my continued voice of reason. The lesson I’m trying to forage here is Confront those that you want to keep in your lives, but parts of their behavior are affecting your peace and happiness. When confronting them don’t let them deflect and pick you apart, those are issues you can discuss once the issue at hand is resolved. Have a clear plan of what the outcome will be if they repeat said behavior even if that involves removing them from your life. Follow throught with that plan of action. As uncomfortable as it is to have to confront and even remove someone from your life, it’s temporary. It’s alot less miserable & disdainful than continuing to let them willingly do things that hurt and upset you throughout your life and will cause permanent pain and resentment. Make the decision that will heal you permanently. Don’t settle for bandaids. No one that truly loves and respects you will continue to hurt you. You were not put here to be someones emotional punching bag.

You deserve to feel respected, heard, and important and deserve to be surrounded by better human beings I promise….No matter who is making you feel like you don’t. You do. Never settle and never let your self respect be challenged.

Love to all of you.

A. Crawford

I had a stubborn client. She had been with me for about 6 months. Her strength was clearly building, it showed every week. She was frustrated because she wasn’t seeing results. I had asked her if she’d been following her meal plan and she gave me the usual “pretty much. I love baked goods and I haven’t quite given them up yet.” My response was obvious, how often and how much. She confessed to having a few cupcakes at a birthday party, a couple brownies the other day and 3 glazed donuts Sunday but had eaten healthy the rest of the day. I told her “at your Monday afternoon session, bring 3 glazed donuts. I’m going to open your eyes because if we don’t get passed this you are going to continue to struggle & be frustrated. If you’re continuously frustrated you will start to ask yourself why am I trying, and then you will give up. I see it all the time.” So she brings her 3 glazed donuts and I set them aside and we begin our hour session. After about 30 minutes of intense conditioning, I toss a donut in the trash. After 15 more minutes of circuits, I toss another donut. After closing conditioning I toss the other donut and I said “I took the liberty of finding the donut with lowest calories 190 multiplied it by 3 which was 570 calories. Mostly fat,carbs and sugar. You burned 610 calories according to your watch which is honestly just an estimate. So taking the calories you expended subtract the calories from the donuts, you burned 40 calories. Is that progress? Absofuckinglutely. Will it get you to your goal? Probably….if you don’t quit. But this is SLOW progress. Glacial. This is why people give up. It takes too long…It’s a slow process and people make it slower by self sabotaging and shrugging it off because they’ll ‘work it off’. Now if you’d just eaten one….your 40 would be a 420 calorie deficit. You’ll see results much quicker with those numbers. You don’t need to completely give up the things you enjoy …you just need to reduce. You have to pick your sacrifice right now if you want see the results in the mirror that you show in this gym. So…Have your 3 donuts and sacrifice the speed in which you see your results, or sacrifice 2 donuts to increase the speed….You just busted your ass for an entire hour…..all that work….all that sweat….and not even for results…..but for 3 donuts. Pick your sacrifice.”

She then says “you could of just TOLD me that instead of making me waste money on the donuts.”

To which I replied “I want you to be just as concerned about wasting calories on the donuts….as you are about wasting money on them.”

She is now 9 months in and has lost 18 lbs and 12 inches all over and dropped 2 pant sizes……She’s now trying to build muscle and no longer fights with food. She doesn’t struggle with cravings all the time. She still has her donut….but now she doesn’t have to fight the urge to eat 2 more. Her sacrifice built her that discipline. Pick. Your. Sacrifice.

When I pictured my dream. It was to build a gym and within that gym build a team of individuals that I could help inspire and grow. A team with so much passion and so much confidence in themselves, that the inspiration, growth and confidence overflowed, so that every prospect and member that walked into that gym looked at them with admiration and complete trust in the team’s abilities to give them everything they walked in for. A team that could help those members snuff out their doubt and insecurities foremost, so they could clear their mind of can’t and generate a new outlook of a more positive form of who they are and what they are truly capable of when they have the right mindset and an incredible team of support. It’s clearly coming together. A little ripple created a wave. Building this team..I’ve failed many times in my tactics….I’ve made mistakes (I mean how does one learn if you never fail?) constantly questioned myself on if I’m doing enough…what can I do better…HOW can I do better, and how can I help them continue to want to grow and not get bored. How can I make them feel appreciated? It’s an emotionally exhausting job and it’s still, after almost 2 years, hard to find the balance let alone the answers through this unchartered part of my life. In the past few months I’ve slowly let go of the reigns to see what becomes of the team if I’m not there to guide them. Not because I want to leave. Not at all. But because i do have other aspects of my life I’d like to spread my passion through and let flourish. They perform amazingly. They create class plans the members love. They have the “I won’t let you fail” attitude and their ability to push each member to a new level is undoubtedly why we are the Best in Omaha. They also are (which was my biggest goal) constantly working on themselves….figuring out what they truly want….what they truly need….and what they have to do to accomplish whatever it is they desire in and out of the gym. They’re constantly striving to be better trainers and better human beings in general and I definitely feel they have surpassed every expectation even when I’ve failed in my own. They may not feel that right now….but they will soon understand that it isn’t myself or jodie who created Impact. We simply opened a gym. The team…both past and present…built Impact. The team shows up for the members…and the members show up because of the team. Forever grateful ❤….time for the next climb.

Someone once asked me, “Amber, who are you when you remove all the titles you’ve been given?” I had no idea how to answer that question. I had realized I had no idea who I was. Mom, wife,Trainer, entrepreneur…I thought those titles identified who I was. I recently realized those are all things I do in life, not who I was. What made me who I was, was HOW I did those things. I’m ambitious. I, Amber Crawford, am an ambitionist. I mom hard, I wife hard, I train hard, I boss hard. I like to take risks in life. I have a strong desire to achieve greatness in all that I do and I never settle for mediocrity. I go at all tasks in life with all I got. Which puts alot of perspective on why I take on so much in life as well as why I feel so defeated when I fail. It took me 35 years to realize what I do is not who I am, but HOW I do it is a direct result of who I am. And let me tell you, when you realize who you are….it brings alot of things that you struggle with in life into focus. You’ll figure out where your passion lies and what path to take to ignite it. You’ll know what opportunities to run at and which to run from. You know how to examine your life and what to adjust to make it something you’re proud of. I think we can all agree that’s a common goal among us. A life that you cannot wait to wake up and live. But if you do not know who you are, you will meander through life doing things that aren’t meant for you and wondering where your happiness went. It is ok to say no to things that don’t bring you joy. I encourage you to delve deep into your soul and find out who you are at it’s core. Look past all the things you do in life and look a little closer at how you do them. That’s where you’ll find who you are. Are you an ambitionist like myself? Or are you a nurturer, constantly putting others before yourself and sensitive to others’ thoughts & feelings. Knowing exactly who you are can help you determine what actions to take in every day life and understand your reactions when things don’t turn out as planned. Who are you without the titles?